Yoga & Scorpio Season Storytime: Nervous System Ghosts, The Psoas, Ancestral Healing, A Missing Pumpkin, Embracing Our Shadows & Light!

Yoga & Scorpio Season Storytime: Nervous System Ghosts, The Psoas, Ancestral Healing, A Missing Pumpkin, Embracing Our Shadows & Light!

by | Oct 30, 2025 | Uncategorized, Yoga Philosophy

A warm, cozy, eye twinkling smile to you in this autumn season, a rich time for practice. Here are some writings I’ve shared with my students, but I want to share with you, too.

We are coming up on Samhain, Halloween, and Dia de Los Muertos this week, and last week, there was Diwali. These are all distinct and different, and, my brain likes the draw connections between things…We’re also on backends week this week, which seems sort of perfect. 

Yoga art showing Avery in a backbend with marigolds, datura and moons.

Opening the front body can definitely relate to facing our fears. Backbends can be scary poses, but also exhilarating, empowering, and very healing, not only for the spine and our body but for our psyche and emotional being. However, they are often scary.

The back body relates to the subconscious, unconscious, and the unknown. In backbends, we expose our throats, heart, vital organs, genitals. Naturally, this is vulnerable! But as we turn towards what is scary, those things that frighten us lose their power. 

It shifts our relationship to what scares us when we explore it volitionally.

What can we compost? What are we releasing, like the leaves from the trees?

Asana practice can be a wonderful medium to turn towards our fears in a safe container of our own making. Then, perhaps the scary ‘out there’ is less overwhelming. Certainly, there’s scary stuff… whether we look to our intimate relationships, the news, and what’s happening in the world, or even in the patterns in our own mind. People dress up as scary things for Halloween; maybe this is a ritual of a similar sort. We turn towards the scary stuff and bring out of the closet, and in doing so it becomes less frightening. We try on new possibility and see what it feels like.

If we take this as a metaphor for inviting the ghosts of our nervous system out into conversation, then maybe we can see ourselves, our past ourselves, and even our ancestors with a little more compassion…connectivity. If we can hold the blame or shame we might feel for our problematic predecessors in a bigger, more compassionate context, then perhaps we can connect to the benevolent ancestors.

Backbends involve opening the psoas. If the psoas becomes dry and short, it contributes to tight hips, compression in your low back, and overstimulation in the adrenal glands, which relate to fear and anxiety.

Because of the connection between the psoas and our nervous system’s survival patterns, this work is often linked to ancestral healing.

When we work with alignment and compassion in specific asanas we can soften inherited patterns the affect us physically, psychologically, and emotionally.

We can offer this work as a healing gesture to those who came before, as well as those who will come after. Healing can send ripples into the future, and the past.

The dynamic of darkness and light…

Last week in class, inspired by Diwali, we explored inner illumination. But what is it to move from dark towards light, given that in the context of yoga we are already always whole? The invocation to the Isha Upanishad says there is a Divine wholeness that we are, and are part of: infinite and complete. Anything taken from it, or anything added to it, wholeness – purna – remains.

If we’re wanting to embrace all of our parts, is it even helpful to label some things as darkness, and some, light? As we move into Scorpio season and I invite exploring this work in the following way.

Many years ago I was in a yoga workshop with Judith Lasater, and she said ‘people think yoga is about love and light, but actually it’s about darkness and fear. It’s about bringing the light of our awareness in to what is in the dark.’

What we might consider darkness, you could also see as the kleshas: ignorance, egoic definitions of self attached to illusion, craving, aversion, fear. Maybe we throw in things like shame, unworthiness. Whatever it is that makes you feel stuck, isolated, alone.

I like to think of these things as also light, but parts of our Divine spark that have been exiled, removed, fractured, and are ensconced in a cloak of shadows, so that we do not recognize these tender aspects as parts of our wholeness.

Part of what makes us shine.

What are the things inside you tend to hide, blame, wish would go away? These tender complexities are not the source of your suffering, but pushing them away can contribute to it.

As we get in touch with our shadow materials, we can discover these are actually powerful parts of our brilliance, our gift, and how we shine. BKS Iyengar described integration as “a process of returning the fragmented parts to the whole.”

Is that not what we are doing in asana?

You go in and feel what has been subconscious. You bring awareness to the parts of your body that have been on auto pilot: compressed, gripping, slack, unaware. You spread your somatic sensing to feel the various parts and layers with specificity, curiosity, and care. You invite breath and hydration to what has been clenched. Where you used to be out of body and out of touch, you become sensitive, embodied, and through that, you feel more whole and alive.

You get to experience the radiance that was always there, shining from within.

Perhaps exploring our shadow parts as fragments of our Divinity, aspects of our light wanting to return home, means they become less scary.

The remnants and ghosts lurking in our nervous system and mind that used to haunt us can become doorways to loving and knowing ourselves, and our tender honest humanity.

This to me is a wonderful motivation to practice yoga.

If you come to your practice not as a chore of self improvement, but as a way to intimately excavate the deeper layers of who you are and what gives your life meaning, how might change how you practice?

Does it feel good to practice because we free ourselves from tension and fatigue, or because we free ourselves from the illusion that we aren’t already whole, lovable? Maybe these are one in the same.

Of course, going in to feel and heal can be scary. It requires commitment, showing up – abhyasa – and also vairaghya, letting go.

Here’s a story about letting go…

 

Last spring, a car smashed off the road through my yard during a police chase, and I decided I needed to make a protective barrier. So I built up a round berm with a low wall, and planted a bunch of herbs and a three sisters garden. I threw in all sorts of seeds that didn’t fit in my other garden beds, including pumpkin seeds a friend had gifted my daughter, which unexpectedly thrived and grew all over, sending their strong spiraling tendrils around everything within reach.

Near the front sidewalk, one HUGE pumpkin slowly grew over the summer. It got round as a beach ball and bright orange. Then someone stole it, and I was so sad. I had grown attached to it, and the way it connected me to my neighbors; the toddlers walking by would pat it in delight, and older folks would smile and comment “what a fine pumpkin.” As a gender-weird person, sometimes interactions with people I don’t know are unkind or awkward, and so I appreciated how this pumpkin seemed to be a connector.

What could I do? Let it go. Hopefully whoever took it got some joy from it as well.

What I didn’t realize is that once that huge pumpkin was picked, the same plant popped out FOUR more pumpkins, which are now nearly as big as the first!

The big pumpkin needed to be picked to stimulate that growth.

I’m sharing all of this with you of course, because I’m guessing there may be a big pumpkin in your life, too.

Something gone, whether you wanted it to go or not.

But maybe in this harvest season you are realizing some unexpected growth, or blessing, or abundance that has come from this loss.

Yoga art showing Avery in a backbend with marigolds, datura and moons.

These moments can be tender, but are also moments to practice surrender to something greater…to something Sacred.

I invite you to be with this practice this week.

Be on the treasure hunt, what is growing within you, in the places where what used to be is now uncluttered and open?

 

What shadows are ready to come home to the warm bright hearth fire within your own heart?

 

May your yoga practice strengthen your faith in your own process of healing and growth. And faith in the Universe, too.

If you’d like to explore some of this work, there are some wonderful on demand classes available where we explore these themes! Check out the replays from this month.

In Albuquerque, I’m also teaching a worlshop this weekend:

Thanks for reading!

5 ways Yoga Asana Can Help Regulate Your Nervous System Safely and Effectively

5 ways Yoga Asana Can Help Regulate Your Nervous System Safely and Effectively

by | Jan 29, 2025 | Uncategorized

What is the nervous system and why should you care if yours is regulated?

Whew… Where’s the pressure release valve? From climate crisis to rising fascism, our world is becoming increasingly complex and stressful in ways that we feel directly in our sensitive, intelligent minds and bodies. With so much beyond our control, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and exhausted. However, so much of how we experience reality, whether in the form of our thoughts, or sensations in the body, depends on our nervous system. We can cultivate regulation in our nervous system through accessible, simple practices, which hugely impact on how we feel, think, and experience life.

Nervous system regulation helps us feel less pain and anxiety, sleep and rest better, feel mentally clear and allows us to experience healthy pleasure, connection, and safety. This in turn can help us feel more agency, and empowered when facing a quickly changing and unstable world.

Skillful yoga practice is one of the best tools for nurturing nervous system regulation. 

Avery Kalapa, trans Iyengar Yoga teacher in parivritta trikonasana.

 

What’s the Nervous System?

 

The nervous system communicates messages between the brain and the rest of the body. 

There are two main subdivisions: the central nervous system and peripheral nervous system. The CNS includes the brain and spinal cord, poetically described by Guruiji BKS Iyengar as an inverted tree, with the roots in the brain, and the branches spreading down through the body. It integrates incoming sensory input and responds. The PNS includes sensory and motor receptors; the motor division includes the voluntary, or somatic, and the involuntary/ autonomic nervous system. Here, parasympathetic and sympathetic modes function as a two ends of a spectrum. 

The nervous system defaults to the known, but is also highly adaptive. 

QTBIPOC students in yoga at a retreat relaxing on yoga props in a restorative class.

Wellness relates to balance between sympathetic and parasympathetic.

 

The sympathetic nervous system causes being awake, taking action. The sympathetic nervous system controls a whole host of wonderful things without us thinking about it – heart rate, blood pressure, digestion, and more. Centered in the adrenal glands, which kick on during stress/danger; it gives us a burst of energy to fight or flight to safety. However, the brain can’t discern real danger from imagined, and in our modern world of abundant stimulation, screens, stress, and trauma, the sympathetic nervous system is often overactive, which causes anxiety, insomnia, and increased cortisol (fear hormone) which deteriorates the body. When responding to danger, biological replenish/repair cycles are paused. 

The parasympathetic nervous system, or “rest and digest” mode, brings relaxation, rest, safety. Cellular respiration increases; the higher levels of CO2 in the bloodstream in turn calm the brain. Generally, most folks benefit from practices that increase the parasympathetic response. However, too much parasympathetic is also problematic. This can look like dissociation, freeze or fawn response, or depression. 

Think of a pendulum swinging back and forth: we want a smooth, steady combination of sympathetic and parasympathetic response. This helps us feel alert and energized, yet restful and relaxed. 

Non-binary trans yoga teacher Avery Kalapa in an accessible trauma informed yoga pose that is good for back care and nervous system regulation.

Dysregulation shows up as:

  • anxiety
  • depression
  • insomnia
  • overwhelming emotions 
  • inflammation and physical pain 
  • feeling chronically unsafe, which weakens our discernment around who or what is actually dangerous 
  • distorted thinking 
  • gender dysphoria 
  • dissociation, being out of body 

Regulation helps with hormonal balance, digestion, immune health, and every vital system in our body. Because bodies seek balance, if there’s one extreme, the pendulum will often swing in the other direction too: people with anxiety often also have depression. 

The goal is to reach a place of regulation: a harmonious, sattvic state between sympathetic and parasympathetic function. 

Nervous system regulation isn’t a quick fix; it’s more like a garden that needs ongoing nurturance and tending. Many aspects of yoga involve simultaneously stimulating and calming our nervous system; this intelligent approach is much more helpful than thinking of regulation as a binary of “uppers” and “downers.”

Gaining fluency in how to regulate your nervous system is a key component for how yoga works as an effective healing modality. When we work at the level of the nervous system, yoga effectively disrupts body-brain patterns, disarms trauma and epigenetic survival mechanisms, and frees us from internalized social conditioning: personal and collective samskaras (karmic patterns).

Consistent yoga practice can be very effective, when practiced in specific ways.

Asana offers a myriad of ways to regulate. And, yoga “off the mat” includes additional ways to tend the garden of a balanced, regulated nervous system. Below I go a bit deeper into 5 key ways of working, but here’s a quick list of ways yoga can help:

 

  • feeling sensations
  • observing multiple different sensations at once
  • breath awareness: feeling passive, effortless breath in the body
  • increasing back body breath and thus adrenal circulation to pacify the sympathetic nervous system
  • extending one part of the body actively, while simultaneously relaxing another area; extra credit for feeling both at one time
  • feel your body in contact with the floor, wall, or a prop
  • deliberately moving awareness to various things in and around you
  • softening your tongue, jaw, belly, pelvic floor

You can do the above in asana, and throughout the day. Here’s some additional “off the mat” ways to help. These won’t work for everyone; see what works for you:

  • create routine and regularity with when you eat and sleep
  • reduce or take delibrate “fasts” from screens
  • seeting boundaries and honoring them
  • time in nature, being present with nature
  • asking for support 
  • interupt small harms, such as being misgendered
  • gardening, pruning, physical work with plants
  • imaginative play, crafts, or story telling games with kids (or inner children)
  • creative art or expression that prioritizes process over product
  • schedule gaps between events, meetings

Passive restorative poses may be too confrontational and agitating if someone with a trauma history is trying to relax. Standing poses against a wall can be grounding and help people orient in space, especially good if disassociation is present.

There are particular poses and breath techniques that help, but HOW you practice is just as important as what you practice. 

Avery Kalapa practicing a yoga pose named Halasana outside in New Mexico.

Here are five ways to work in yoga asana that can lead to subtle but powerful shifts in your nervous system:

 

1.  Notice sensations in your body. Practicing yoga asana can be a path to get you into your body and out of your head. Notice how sensations change over time. Spread awareness to feel two different sensations at the same time – for instance, sense your thigh muscles working and at the same time relax your jaw. 

Embodiment is powerful, particularly when two key components are in place. First, it helps to have clear, direct, doable instructions. There’s a trend in trauma informed yoga now to emphasize permission, and “doing whatever feels good.” However, if someone is out of their body or anxious, too much choice can create more anxiety, and make you feel stuck in your head, unsure of what to do.

It can be supportive and calming for a teacher to give direct instruction. But, secondly, it is also important to be in a space that uplifts one’s agency, in which you know you have permission to opt out. It’s important to consent to being led in any given asana. Classes that are too strict can exacerbate nervous system patterns signaling a sense of powerlessness. Strictness can inspire rigor, alertness and actually, care when used skillfully. But some teachers overdo it, and it feels like an environment of shame and assimilation. However, it’s unhelpful if things are too permissive and casual. 

The right combination of discipline, compassion, agency can build trust and create conditions where a teacher can help the student break free form old patterns in how they move and think, which is very healing on the level of the nervous system. Explore different teachers and methods to find what works for you.

  1. Be aware of your breath. Learn to feel the breath in your body. Just noticing your breath as it is without trying to change it sends a powerful message to the nervous system that you are safe. Full, free breathing is one of the best things you can do to regulate your nervous system. Alignment-based asana restructures the body, removing obstacles to the breath and allowing you to breathe better. 

Importantly, I’m talking about bringing attention to your breath in the context of yoga poses, rather than doing breathwork (pranayama). The breath has a very powerful effect on how we feel, but because of this power, it’s a bit like playing with fire. If you’re unskillful or aggressive in an asana, you might strain a muscle. But if you are aggressive or unskillful in working with breath, you might stir up a lot of psychological suffering. 

Working with the body is a relatively safe and accessible way to feel better. And it can prepare you to safely explore beautiful healing practices such as pranayama.

3. Realign your body. 

Alignment-based asana can decompress your spine, unload the nerves and vessels, soften the organs, create more space for the lungs and diaphragm, increase circulation to the organs and brain, and more. An attention to alignment will also help you protect your joints and increase your stability in asana.

And while functional alignment is great for reducing pain and injury in the physical the body, it is also the key to shifting the patterns in our emotions and mind. Alignment reorganizes how energy moves through the nervous system. This reorganization of energy is how asana can tangibly change the patterns to create new possibilities not only in your body, but also your mind. As we learn to be “in” our bodies, we increase our ability and capacity to feel safe. 

4. Balance your hormones. The endocrine system (hormones) and nervous system are deeply entwined. For example, in response to stress, the nervous system will kick into fight, flight, or freeze in the immediate moment, while the endocrine system will release cortisol, which will affect the body for longer.  

Certain asana help to powerfully and effectively regulate hormones. Not only can specific poses stimulate or calm hormone-producing glands, but a daily practice can over time reduce the production of stress hormones.  To calm the sympathetic, supported forward extensions like uttansana and ado mukha virasana are quieting, especially with head support, so the brain, eyes, and temples can soften. 

Chest openings for easier diaphragmatic movement and breath, such as supta baddha konasana (below), can be powerfully calming.

Avery Kalapa, a trans Iyengar yoga teacher, in reclined bound angle pose, or supta badha konasana: a restorative pose for nervous system regulation and pelvic health.

Halasana with a bench or chair supporting the root of the thighs is one of the best parasympathetic inducing poses. Any sarvangasana variation is excellent, but this is especially restful: the combination of backbody breath, jalandhara bandha position, circulation to the brain, and restful, passive decompression creates a very soothing effect. Emphasis on softening the jaw, tongue, eyes, brain with exhalation helps connect to consciously letting go. 

5  Observe with distance. Learn to be the “seer, not the seen.” Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras describe how we tend to identify with what we are seeing, thinking, or feeling, and through that process, get enmeshed with our experiences. Embodied yoga practice can help us connect to a deeper part of ourselves – the source of awareness. We can learn to create space between ourselves and our thoughts and emotions. We can experience them, but know that they are not us. This shift in perspective increases our capacity both to stay grounded and patient during discomfort and to be intimately present during moments of healthy pleasure and delight, which strengthens our resilience. 

This distance can paradoxically also help us feel our feelings! In life, most of us tend to avoid ‘bad’ feelings, but this avoidance can trap unprocessed events within ourselves, leading the nervous system to enact the same patterns over and over.

Through yoga practice, we are able to integrate and metabolize uncomfortable feelings such as grief and pain, and through that process, shift and release them.

This process of somatic integration frees us to be more attuned and responsive to what’s happening within and around us, and ultimately, more happy, healthy, and secure. 

Interested in experiencing how yoga can help you access nervous system regulation?

2 warm invitations:

 

Join us this April for a week long Yoga Retreat centering nervous system regualtion in a myriad of ways! Yoga, rest, community, play, crerative experession, and more.

SPRING YOGA RESET RETREAT

with Avery and Luke

Mazunte, on the Oaxacan coast of Mexico
APRIL 6-12, 2025

Check out all the juicy details here. 

 

Come to class! Join a zoom yoga class or on demand practice with Avery. Your first class is FREE!

You can filter on demand classes by searching for “nervous system regulation” in my on demand library. 

 

 

 

trans Iyengar Yoga teacher Avery Kalapa

About the Author:

Avery Kalapa (they, them) CIYT ERTYT500 YACEP is a trans yoga teacher with over 25 years experience in yoga. They run a thriving, online Yoga School called Sadhana Support Collective that offers awesome classes and inclusive healing community. Drop into class, first one’s free! 

Self-Worth & Trans Healing: 5 Ways to Make Your Gender-Affirming Yoga Retreat Dream a Reality!

Self-Worth & Trans Healing: 5 Ways to Make Your Gender-Affirming Yoga Retreat Dream a Reality!

by | Aug 7, 2024 | Uncategorized

This article was originally published for Gender Wellness LA,  genwell.org.

“Trans, non-binary, and gender diverse people deserve affirming spaces for healing and rest.” Ok, you can probably agree with that.

But how about this…

“You deserve to go on a yoga retreat.”

…Did I just make you cringe?

I see you out there, uplifting and donating to everyone’s mutual aid, bringing meals to friends post top surgery, but struggling to find even a LITTLE time and money for your own much needed self care.

Many trans and queer folks, especially those who hold other marginalized identities too, feel they don’t deserve something as “extravagantly” nourishing as attending a yoga retreat. They feel as though they don’t deserve investing time and money just on themselves, even on an experience that would deeply replenish their capacity, help them finally make important positive changes in their life, and nourish all the ways they are showing up.

peach and black toned image of trans yoga teach Avery Kalapa in an illustration about pratyahara yoga philosophy

Many of us carry a self-worth wound. This isn’t our fault. It makes sense in a society that shames queer folks, and tells trans people they are a problem, a burden, or worse, that they are not real. Combined with the pressure of productivity and capitalism, it’s common to feel that for every good thing we receive, even small bits of kindness, support, or help, creates a debt.

We do not have to constantly give back in order to ‘deserve’ to exist.

Feeling this way keeps us vulnerable to overworking and running ourselves ragged. It depletes our bodies, relationships, and the causes we care about. It gives momentum to the wheel of capitalism, burn out, scarcity, and isolation. And it can make the practical steps towards even basic self care, much less going on a yoga retreat, feel overwhelming.

peach and black toned image of trans yoga teach Avery Kalapa in an illustration about pratyahara yoga philosophy

Yoga can be profoundly healing, but sadly many wellness spaces – much less retreats – are not welcoming to trans and gender nonconforming (GNC) people.

In addition to basic access hurdles like cost, the pressure to assimilate, risk of overwhelming dysphoria, and the courage to explore getting present and actually IN your body are very real barriers, too.

This is tragic, because for me and many of my students, practicing yoga’s embodiment and philosophy has been a primary source of strength, gender euphoria, and an essential lifeline in challenging times. As a trans yoga teacher with over 2 decades of experience, I can honestly say I’m not sure I’d be alive without yoga’s precious practices.

I’ve seen trans and GNC experience huge benefits from yoga, especially when they attend an immersive experience like a queer and trans yoga retreat. I’ve witnessed how a retreat space that is actually safe, affirming, and full of care combined with deep healing practices empowers people. I’ve witnessed folks get sober, finally start HRT, apply for grad school, leave an abusive relationship, come out to their family, start their business, get a grant for a trans film project, and many more beautiful things.

Yoga isn’t about fixing anything; we are not broken. But it does help people be, and love more fully, unapologetically who they are, which has huge ripple effects in their communities, and beyond.

Avery and Kiki's Queer Trans Yoga Retreat banner for Baja Mexico 2024

Would you ever want to attend a trans & queer yoga retreat? Here are five ways to break down avoidance, get past the cringe, and move toward experiencing your dream:

  1. Act as if you are going. You don’t have to say: “I’m doing this,” but go through the steps as if you are. Get your passport. Regularly look at flight deals. Put it on your calendar. Arrange time off work.
  1. Start gathering your resources. Set up an extra savings account or a hidden envelope with cash. Squirrel away a set amount each month towards attending a retreat. Try applying for a scholarship. (Yes, you deserve it just as much as anyone else!)
  1. Ask others for support. Ask friends and family to contribute towards your retreat as their gift to you this year. Birthday gifts, graduation gifts, they-love-you-and-you-need-healing gifts. You’ll be amazed how much joy it brings others to give to you! Practice receiving without feeling like you have to give anything back, and trusting the Universe wants you here. This is part of yoga.
  1. Get creative. You probably won’t find “go on a queer retreat” in any employee benefits package. But healthcare plans, employers, schools, and other institutions often offer support for preventative healthcare, continuing education, professional development, and more. What could be queerer than repurposing institutional policies to get the support you actually desire?
  1. Say it out loud. When you’re ready, start talking about the trip out loud. Tell close friends who you think would support the idea. Talk to the retreat leaders. Get support in working through your fears and scarcity-mindset. You are not alone!

By the time folks make it to our retreats, they’ve almost all gone through some Underworld journey around their own self-worth to make it happen. This itself is a radical healing process. It’s a chance to clear outdated stories about self-worth and what’s possible.

epic queer joy at Avery's yoga retreats

Investing in your health and happiness is a brave stretch. Give yourself permission to untangle the inner knots, to relax and awaken to a deeper authentic expression of who you are. In doing so, you create space for that journey for everyone around you. We will affirm each other’s worth and wholeness when we gather together for play, healing, and joy!

It’s OK to want what you want. And if that includes going on a retreat, you are so worth the work it will take for you to get there.

You deserve every good thing available to you in this wild and heartbreaking world.

Opening to receive can be a practice, and like any new strength, we build our ability to soften, relax, and receive care and support little by little.

May you be affirmed on your path of unconditional worthiness. Existence truly would not be complete without you here.

Mixto yoga studio space for trans and queer affirming yoga

Interested in joining our next QUEER TRANS YOGA RETREAT, October 12-19th at Mixto, south of Puerto Vallarta Mexico?

 

Applications are open, and QTBIPOC scholships are available! Check out the details here, orate the leap and apply now!

About the Author:

Avery Kalapa (they, them) is a trans yoga teacher with way too many certifications, a community weaver, and 2SLGBTQIA+ wellness advocate with over 25 years experience in yoga. They run a gorgeous online trans and queer centered Yoga School called Sadhana Support Collective that offers awesome classes and healing community. Drop into class, first one’s free! They also collaboratively organize Queer + Trans Retreats in the US and abroad. 

Special thanks to editing help from D Scott. 

Learn more about the next retreat OCTOBER 13-19, 2024 Embodying Delight QUEER & TRANS YOGA RETREAT with Kiki and Avery. Applications are open!

Pratyahara and Apocalyptic Times: Reclaim the Power of Your Awareness

Pratyahara and Apocalyptic Times: Reclaim the Power of Your Awareness

by | Aug 6, 2022 | Uncategorized, Yoga Philosophy

Those in power who deal in the currency of harm benefit when we we are chronically overstimulated, distracted, overwhelmed.

An atmosphere of overwhelming stimulation is a strategic tool of oppression.

(So, here is your invitation to be less hard on yourself. This exhausting overwhelm is systemic and not an individual failing.

The practice of yoga offers specific techniques to contradict these traps and tendencies. We can actually train, reprogram, and un-tether the power of our minds, awareness, and bodies.

Commonly translated as SENSE WITHDRAWAL, pratyahara is the 5th limb in Patanjali’s system of yoga. It is a bridge between the more physical, relational external elements, and subtler, internal ones.

We can embody pratyahara in asana and pranayama. This is a tangible skill we can develop: reclaiming our awareness, drawing in, resting and refreshing the sense organs.

When we attune to inner listening and connection to the guidance + wisdom within, rather than being pushed and pulled by the desires and agendas of the external, we regain a sense of authorship in our life. We hold the reigns of our chariot, to reference the metaphor from the Bagavad Gita, rather than letting the wild horses of our mind and senses pull us in all directions. We can connect to the inner, deeper source of knowing, the intelligence beyond the surface mind, within.

layered illustration of a trans person in a red leather blindfold layered with orange and lavender triangles.

It’s not about escapism, but rather a sense of alertness, freshness, clarity.

AGENCY.

 Of course such practice requires discipline. Supportive counterculture community and a trusted facilitator helps too.

It is a conscious decision to unhook the senses and draw inward, to cultivate subtle inner observation. It is a key to open new doorways. Doorways within you, that will benefit the collective massively should you chose to go there.

We practice aspects of pratyahara in nearly every class I teach. Much of what we are doing is reclaiming our awareness, and learning to direct it consciously in the body and beyond, within, rather than letting it disperse into the patterns of the mind.

Body, mind, sensation.

These are powerful tools we all have for liberatory transformation.

Come practice with me!

We won’t wear kinky blindfolds like this one, but if the metaphor caught your attention enough to read about pratyahara, then sweet.

In response to these times, I’m also working on a potent new project…

SADHANA SUPPORT COLLECTIVE

Stay tuned + make sure you’re on my newsletter.

peach and black toned image of trans yoga teach Avery Kalapa in an illustration about pratyahara yoga philosophy
A Yogic Invitation to Do Better: Transphobia + J Brown’s Yoga Talks Podcast

A Yogic Invitation to Do Better: Transphobia + J Brown’s Yoga Talks Podcast

by | Mar 31, 2021 | Uncategorized

A Yogic Invitation to Do Better: Transphobia + J Brown’s Yoga Talks Podcast

 

“What I know is not important. It is what I don’t know that is important.”

-Yogacharya B.K.S. Iyengar

I’ve been involved in a recent call-in campaign that is requesting accountability from J. Brown and his podcast guest, Katchie Ananda, for a deeply harmful, transphobic interview titled “Gender Spectrum and Biological Sex.” This podcast uses false science and toxic, obsolete cultural narratives that simultaneously position trans and nonbinary people as a dangerous threat, and as victims who need saving.

This article is a supplement to this and other open letters with calls to action. Let’s unpack this harm from a yogic perspective. Divesting and deplatforming are important tools, especially in cases like this where previous asks for accountability have been ignored and resisted over and over. I am also committed to the inquiry: what does accountability look like beyond cancelling someone’s platform, in service to reducing future harm, fostering humility and a potential commitment to do better by those who have caused harm?

I stand firm in the truth that there is abundant room for all of us in the struggle for gender justice and collective liberation, that our struggles are connected. Uplifting trans rights and divesting from binary gender doesn’t harm cis people, in fact it frees us all. I have to believe that people can change, that healing is possible.

What are the obstacles (kleshas) at play, such as fear, attachment, and self-righteousness, and what work may be necessary to help these yoga teachers and others who share this thinking become able to shift? How can yoga practice actually help? Katchie positions herself as a dharma teacher, but there is nothing dharmic about public statements that are cruel.

How dare you publicly say that people’s gender transition ruins them? 

That people’s transitions deny them the ability to experience sexual pleasure? How could you ever begin to understand the exquisite perfection, sacredness, and profound beauty of trans love?

This podcast and the article Katchie wrote on this topic stir up nausea, sadness, anger, and exhaustion. Pointing out and countering each of the many harmful aspects of this interview would require far too much emotional labor than would be healthy for me. Rather, I want to back up and look at why someone would choose to become so entrenched in violent rhetoric, and how a change of perspective may be possible. 

I write this from the perspective of a white, queer, nonbinary person who is a long-time yoga practitioner and teacher. I was AFAB (assigned female at birth) and I am a sexual assault survivor. My identity falls under the trans umbrella, but nonbinary better describes my fraught, nonlinear relationship to gender. I come to this conversation with sensitivity around how liberatory frameworks evolve along with society, and that different generations have different understandings of struggle. I had the blessing of being raised by a feminist mother. I have the good fortune of trans lovers, friends, family, and community that has helped me learn and grow in infinite ways; it’s no exaggeration that trans women have helped me truly understand what feminism, misogyny, and patriarchy are. 

I’m sharing this to locate myself with honesty and humility in this conversation. While white supremacy culture upholds objectivity and ‘one right way,’ yogic traditions highlight the value of owning our subjectivity, pluralism, and more nuanced ways of understanding what is real. Yoga also upholds non-harming before all else, as a universal principle (see sutras 2.30-2.35).

Yoga scholar Dr. Shyam Ranganathan shared an illuminating lecture in a recent Yoga Alliance training titled Yoga Philosophy and the West: Yoga in an Age of Confronting Systemic Discrimination. I don’t seek to conflate colonialism and transphobia, though they are connected; this framing is very helpful regarding this inquiry.

He shared:

“Either we relate to our mind as though it is something that influences us, or we control mental influence so that we can be autonomous (abide in our essence as knowers). (Sutras 1.1-1.4)

Interpretation is imperialistic as it imposes the explainer’s beliefs on the explained. Interpretation is colonialism, as it treats the explained as a prop for the explainer. 

He further shared, “With respect to any belief you have, turn it into a conclusion and ask what reasons you have to support this … If there are no good reasons, it’s a samskara.”

Much of this podcast is rooted in negative samskaras – hidden imprints in consciousness from the past, that keep us individually and collectively entrenched in harmful norms. Over and over again, this podcast interview centered these two cis people’s assumptions, which are largely based not on logic but on false ideas that have been perpetuated for generations to ostracize, dehumanize, and criminalize trans people.

For instance, the recent documentary Disclosure brilliantly documents how we (anyone raised in popular culture) have been brainwashed to see trans women as dangerous perpetrators, when in fact it is well documented that trans women, especially Black Inidigenous trans women of color, are overwhelmingly and disproportionately on the receiving end of sexual violence. 

Gender is mutable, and part of prakriti, nature. So long as we are approaching something in the realm of prakriti – the ever changing – we will have different versions of the truth. Just like the Jain story of the many blind men touching a different body part of an elephant and describing their idea of what the elephant (truth, or God) is, people will have different and evolving reference points for truth, an idea that may be threatening even as it is liberating. This is why ahimsa, nonviolence, is a foundational teaching in Patanjali’s system.

As yoga practitioners we need to interrogate our versions of truth that are directly causing harm to others. The arrogance of claiming objectivity (and trying to prove it with false science) perpetuates violent, transphobic beliefs, which are the very framework propping up dozens of heatbreaking anti trans laws being voted on right now across the country. They also act as a barrier to growth, connection, and evolution. 

Conflating gender and sex is widely disproven, and much has been written and talked about to frame that – yes, trans people are real, and whole, and deserve to exist. We do not pose a risk to the movement for women’s empowerment and do not need to be rescued by cis people. So, my focus is not on arguing this debate, but rather: why are J Brown and Katchie so attached to it?  

They speak as if trans-ness is a problem to be solved (by cis people, no doubt) rather than people who need support and basic human rights. Within the first few minutes of the show, J Brown makes it obvious he has not educated himself on this context or history. Katchie begins the discussion defensively, positioning herself as a progressive ‘good’ person, proven by mentioning relationships she has with people of color and lesbians. Right away this poses a problem by tokenizing people with underestimated identities. 

Additionally, to engage in discussions involving marginalized people and their realities without including them in the discussion is to run the risk of amplifying perspectives based on one’s own social conditioning. We all have been soaked in social conditioning, and it is our responsibility as yoga practitioners to awaken to and divest from structures that maintain violent imbalances. Such conditioning is rooted in systems of oppression and designed to fracture and exploit while maintaining hierarchical power for the few.

Certainly, no one should be pressured into transition, which is discussed at length in this podcast. However, the dangerous misconception that the medical industry has people on some sort of ‘transition conveyor belt’ is problematic because it obscures the truth: for the vast majority of people who transition medically, these procedures provide life-saving and very real relief, which is often not at all easy to access. Transition more accurately often requires years of work – community fundraising, jumping through hoops, navigating transphobic medical and insurance systems, out of state travel… and this is the problem we should be addressing if we care about trans lives.

Most importantly however, is the deeply problematic cis obsession with fixed, “biological” sex and with trans peoples bodies and parts, which serves invalidate and dehumanize people. And to what end. What do cis people really have to loose if trans people are allowed to thrive?

Which, by the way, we are.

I want to name a false scarcity, that positions rights and protections for cis women and girls in competition with rights for trans people and kids, especially trans femmes and nonbinary people who were AFAB (assigned female at birth). Trans people are not the enemy.

Trans people are precious, wise, and sacred – and have been respected and included in pre-colonial societies on every continent on earth. Our modern culture, built on imperialism, genocide, and racial capitalism is the problem, not trans poeple. Trans femmes, nonbinary people, and neurodivergant poeple were also burned at the stake alongside cis women during Europe’s legacy of witch hunts. Our stories are interwoven. White supremecist cis-het patrirachy thrives off fracturing us, and undermines our resistance by keeping people scraping, hustling, and competing for power that comes from proximity to to wealth, whiteness, and cis hetereo mormativity.

There’s abundant room for all of us in the struggle for gender justice and liberation. If trans people are respected and included and get to live and thrive on their own terms, it doesn’t mean there’s not room for empowerment about vaginas or cis women spaces to process patriarchy. Trans people having access to healthcare and youth sports and housing and work etc does not mean we can’t have a wide-open affirming gender culture that celebrates masculine women, feminine men, gender nonconforming people of all genders, non binary folks, and trans people who decide not to medically transition. We can have a critical analysis of hypersexualized femininity without scapegoating transmasculine youth. To everyone who holds any sort of privilege, especially cis privilege – can we please ditch this scarcity and be open to learn and heal together?

This is where yoga practice comes in. Cis fragility and hyper defensiveness needs to be processed and healed, if ahimsa (nonviolence) is a shared value amongst yoga community members. If people are entrenched in fear (abhinivesha) and ego (asmita) and their nervous systems stuck in transphobic samskaras, then the self-replicating waves of intergenerational trauma response will self replicate without interruption. The limbic system will override the possibility of thinking and relating in a new way.

They will see trans people a threat to who they know themselves to be. When faced with challenging change, such as unpacking unexamined cis privilege held up by deeply engrained binary gender essentialism, embodied practices can be extremely helpful. Practice for this purpose not only is key to harm reduction, but it will free the practitioner as well.

Asana practice can be used to build capacity for the unknown. BKS Iyengar famously said, “You know the known, so go a little into the unknown. The mind that is caught up in the known – extended a little beyond reason. …Releasing the bondage of your mind to extend further, reach the unknown a little more. The further you go, you realize that the known is limited and the unknown is vast.”

Asana is an effective tool for nervous system regulation, so we are less reactive and more grounded, which increases our capacity for compassion for self and others. Importantly, it helps us divest from false identification with harmful norms that exist in the mind. Yogah citta vrrti nirodhah. Patanjali was clear, and laid it out in the first few sutras. As Dr. Shyam discussed (and I paraphrase), when we stop identifying with the fluctuations of the mind, then self-governance becomes possible. He also shared a definition of truth I appreciate – that truth is what we can agree on when we are in conflict about something. We can agree that patriarchy and misogyny need to be torn down, healed from. What if that remained the focus, rather than playing the role of police, judge, and savior towards trans people who at the end of the day are really just trying to live their lives? 

But it’s hard to discern if we are rooted in self-governance or caught up in self-righteous harm. That’s why a commitment to yoga’s ethics based in nonviolence – and regular consumption of –  listening to people from the margins is so key. Listen to trans people, to nonbinary people. Listen to trans Immigrants. Listen to Black trans women. Listen to trans youth and trans elders. Be open to receive. And compensate them for their wisdom and time! This will allow you to change – and being open to change is crucial. It is immensely important for us to be able to say, ‘whew I fucked up,’ to feel that, apologize, and keep learning and advocating. 

A decade ago, I closely followed heated debates that had a similar flavor. The Michigan Women’s Music Festival was an empowering women’s gathering that for decades attracted thousands of queer and feminist community members from all over the country, including many who made the pilgrimage annually who would look to this week in the woods together as a time to celebrate, recharge, and recoup from surviving hetero-patriarchy. Ultimately the conflict over whether or not to openly include trans women in that space led to its demise. The fixed belief that trans women should not be allowed, held by a minority of cis women in powerful positions, meant that after years of activism on both sides, the space disappeared for everyone. This was a huge and unnecessary loss. Much of the same transphobic ideology and falsehoods used to argue that only ‘women born women’ belonged at Michfest surface here, a decade later in this “yoga” interview. 

We need to do better. Yoga practitioners are well equipped with tools to do this work. May we consistently recommit to shedding avidya (ignorance). I’m rooting for you to have the courage to look deeper, J Brown and Katchie. This harmful rhetoric needs to stop. And needs to stop now.

Thanks for reading this article. If you learned something consider making a donation. I appreciate your support for this work! Big appreciation to those friends who helped with the editing process.

About the author: Avery Kalapa is a community weaver, wellness advocate, and yoga teacher (CIYT, eRYT500, YACEP) with 20 years of experience, who is passionate about deep, affirming, embodied healing spaces that don’t require assimilation. They teach joyful Iyengar Yoga rooted in collective liberation.